Ask The Sexpert: How Can Lesbians Have Safer Intercourse? | GO Magazine

Lately, i am watching lots of different wellness methods and area leaders speak about exactly how lesbians have no need for condoms after all within gender methods. Which concept honestly perplexes myself! Each and every time I read it somewhere, I stop and think

huh? Where performed these individuals get their much safer gender info from?

This is certainly an integral part of a larger social issue because lesbian, queer and bi women can be usually left behind for the talk about intimate health and STIs. It really is as though folks think that

STIs

only result from penises and this lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies you should not previously

have

penises.

News flash:
STIs is generally handed down in several techniques
. Through epidermis to skin contact. From rectal intercourse. From oral intercourse. From revealing adult sex toys. Basically whichever sex you are having, it’s likely that STIs can possibly end up being passed on, from person to person. It is in addition crucial to understand that lesbian, queer and bisexual females often have actually penises. Or occasionally we make use of dildos during intercourse. As well as for both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be utilized as a barrier solution to reduce the chances of STIs getting passed away.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is important to remember that it isn’t really the end of worldwide should you decide taste positive for an STI. Your lifetime as well as your love life aren’t over. If we have the ability to get access to this kind of less dangerous gender info, after that we can all develop and discover together—and have significantly more pleasurable intercourse!

We have now already talked-about
different buffer practices
that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies may use whenever sex together. And yes, condoms come when it comes to those choices. You can use condoms as a barrier when having a penis in pussy or whenever having
rectal intercourse
, when you are using a dildo or dildo, and you can also cut a condom down the heart (with scissors) if you want a dental dam for analingus or oral sex. Whenever we inform women that sleep together with other ladies which they don’t

want

condoms to apply better sex, the audience is perpetuating this myth our gender is intrinsically protected from any STIs getting provided.

Countless of my lesbian, queer and bisexual friends often laugh about how precisely they don’t really exercise safer gender. I hear queer women make laughs about dental dams as well as how they not have once made use of all of them. All this tends to make me question just who in our community would actually practice safer intercourse? And if we aren’t utilizing barrier methods, tend to be we subsequently having detailed talks about our very own sexual health before we f*ck? Tend to be we consistently prioritizing getting analyzed between our lovers? And not soleley a pap smear (
because that doesn’t cover everything
), but like acquiring a full work up?

Really don’t state any kind of this getting judgmental, at all. I have been that woman to have a good laugh about dental care dams. I in addition got one night appears where I didn’t prioritize me or my personal lover’s intimate wellness. But i would like united states accomplish much better. I want united states to be able to have genuine, nuanced discussions about all of our sexual wellness. Because it does matter, babes. And that I want to get previous laughing about dental care dams and shrugging off condoms as an option.

Usually within discussion, I have asked

really, let’s say i wish to make use of a dental dam but she doesn’t think’s gorgeous?

This concern can be so widespread that I believe like so many lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies are also worried to inquire of their partners to apply better gender. But let me tell you a queer girl key, getting dental gender through a dental dam is beautiful and seems amazing. Actually, the person it truly alters situations for could be the person giving the dental. It is somewhat different of an experience, but the one that you will get made use of to! Its sensuous for the person obtaining because 1. you are both prioritizing both’s intimate wellness, basically hot AF and 2. inside my sincere view, it however seems enjoyable as f*ck.

In addition know-how challenging it can be to carry within the discussion of STIs before you decide to have sexual intercourse, specifically if you’ve never ever had sex with this specific individual before. A very important factor i have discovered in my own years of messily navigating gender and interactions is the fact that once I consult with some body concerning method of intercourse the two of us wish to have and in what method of barriers we should use—We have wayyyy much better sex. Like I’m not claiming this because I’m a sex nerd. I’m telling you my honest queer girl fact. Intercourse is much better whenever you mention need along with your bodies first.

Let’s break it down.

You and this potential hookup don’t know one another’s bodies but. Each and every individual provides their desires and clicks and movements, that change all of them the f*ck on. Although you could potentially play a guessing online game while you are making love to determine what ~feels good~ because of this brand new individual, you can alternatively, mention it beforehand. Actually it enjoyable to f*ck somebody how they desire to be f*cked? Then chances are you already fully know the go-to place for them, the place you want to build-up to and the ways to get them to be putty in your hand.

With regards to discussing just what barriers and/or toys you wish to use while you’re having sex—a significant folks think it really is awesome maybe not gorgeous and takes all the fun from the jawhorse. But picture if you should be having sexual intercourse nevertheless entire time you are anxious because you actually desired to utilize a dental dam but didn’t understand how to inform her that and so now you are unable to have a climax because you’re so in your head about not talking up to meet your needs? That’s no fun proper, believe me. When you are getting that dialogue taken care of prior to beginning having sexual intercourse, then you certainly already fully know to go for the condom when you use the strap-on or whether she is cool with liquid connection or not. They’re really important areas of intercourse and in addition we should never dismiss them.

I have homework for several people reading this article nowadays. The very next time you are having a brand new hookup with some body, you will need to integrate several of these conversations when you smack the bedsheets and find out precisely what the email address details are. I bet you that you will involve some mind-blowing consensual safer gender!

Got any gender questions? Go ahead and touch base: [email protected]!